This is my desire...

A young girl is learning to play the piano. She has been playing for a year now. She attends a concert with her mother where a pianist plays beautiful music and plays it so very well. The girl is discouaged... not knowing if she will EVER be able to play that well and feeling like a failure for not being at that level of excellence. She is overwhelmed. What does good enough even look like?

This is how I have felt. I see what it looks like to be the woman of God that I want to be... but I am overwhelmed with the persistent and diligent pursuit of wisdom and experience that this will require. I have realized with the help of my brothers and sisters that that Lord has blessed me with recently, that what God asks is our best. His best is something to constantly reach for and with practice we will get closer and closer. Let us run the race... mount up on wings like eagles... and not grow weary. It's a long journey... but I will run the race set out before me with passion and diligence.

This is what I desire more than anything in the world. To be infiltrated by and to have written on my heart the fruits of the spirit. To have them saturate so potently everything I am.

**************************************************
Galatians
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
********************************************

I want to be renewed. I want to experience the Lord's love and allow it to overflow into everything I am and everything I do.


Bethany Dillon
New

What is this sun that conquers mountains
Singing over what has been asleep?
What is it that softens all my doubting?
It's you

Morning brings a hunger for new eyes
That have been covered by the hurt of yesterday
Who could create in me the vision of a little child?
It's you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do

When I have been a victim of familiarity
When my heart has fallen into sleep
Healing is the voice that awakens me
And it is you

You take an ordinary day
And turn it into flowers like the month of May
Yes you do
You see all my pain
You cry over it for hours till I'm new again
Yes you do
You, you make me new...

For about a month now I have been struggling with a loss of direction, purpose, and passion. When this scripture was read to me today I felt warm tears spill onto my cheeks. I felt His voice. For the first time in so long I felt my Love, my Friend, my God's pressence. I feel as if I have purpose again.

2 Peter 1

3 His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature (CHRISTLIKE!) and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;

6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;

7 and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.

8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

9 But if anyone does not have them, he is short-sighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10 Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall,

11 and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I think I could work towards this for the rest of my life and never master it. But these two passages of scripture will give me something solid to work towards. I am no longer overwhelmed. I am excited and ready to serve. :)

Praise the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness.
He has brought me, once again, back into fellowship with Him
and has restored purpose and direction into my life.

Be blessed :)

Korey Ann Canfield

This is an "I love you:" moment

There is this thing that I do… sometimes I am better at it than other times… but I call it my “I love you” moments with God. Things like the snow sparkling or the clouds parting. Just a little thing here or there that is beautiful in its own way. Sometimes, it might be something someone says or an opportunity to encourage someone else. Whatever it may be, it works really well. When Kyle passed away last year I remember finding this folk singer, Denison Witmer, and listening to his music all day long from class to class on my little MP3 player. There is this one song that goes like this…

How you found me out

I still never understand (There was so much that I couldn’t understand but I realized in the next line that it didn’t really matter… because all I knew was that God was there with me through it all.)
Thoughts you can't take with you when you go
You were waving flags that bear the colors of your love
I didn't know (I had come to a new realization… that God was quietly showing His love to me… sometimes yelling it to me… and I didn’t realize it until everything else in life seemed to stop.)

Orange for the vineyards
Blue is for the rivers
Green goes like a hillside covered now
White is not surrender despite what you've been told
It's clouds of hope (Hope was a concept that, as dramatic as it may sound, was lost on me for a long time… but seeing His beauty and faithfulness slowly restored the hope I had in Him… the hope I have in human beings is still shaky…)

That fall on you now
Save you now (x2)

One time we met
You were outside floating in the forest
I placed my stigmata on your hands
Little flowers that you have sawn show people you have known
That I am love (Another realization that I had… it wasn’t the huge proclamations of love that really made me miss Kyle… it was his daily presence, his personality, his laugh, his consistency, and faithfulness in our relationship no matter what the title was. I realized that so much of what inspires people and moves there inner being toward Christ was the small ways we love them daily…)

And fall on you now
Save you now (x2)

Music is amazing when it comes to getting me through things… but nature, God’s work, is was really hits a chord somewhere deep inside. Something radical happened in my heart, an awareness that was not known before Kyle went home. Losing him made me really think, made me exhausted in every aspect of my life, and helped me reach the point of emptiness that can be amazing or terrifying. I remember wishing I could just get wasted… fill that void with anything pleasant… anything that would numb me. But, I also felt such a strong pull towards God. Towards a deeper healing and something in my wouldn’t allow me to go down that destructive road. So many of us wanted to, I know it’s true. I still can’t believe the changes I have seen in my friends. All good… But anyway, back to the daily reminders. I had been doing that before Kyle passed away… but obviously… my need for Christ, and my need for affirmation of His mere existence heightened my senses to Him. Ha… I am remembering one day last year, I was soooooooo angry because I had to go to class and my roommate had just started crying before I left. I started walking and, as I approached the Oak Tree, tears started streaming down my face. I didn’t know what I was even doing here. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew one of the HUGE leaves off of the tree and it smacked me so hard in the side of the head I almost fell down. In my already fragile emotional state I began laughing hysterically. I felt completely silly and suddenly I could feel God laughing with me. Little things like that got me through that semester and following summer. And still… when it rains on a warm summer day, it’s for me… and when the snow sparkles and no one is looking at that particular patch of snow but me… it’s for me… and when I am walking down the sidewalk and look to my left for no apparent reason and there is a dandelion… it’s for me… and we some random leaf falls from the sky and smacks me back into life… it’s God saying… lighten up… I love you… and we’ll both see you soon.

BE HERE NOW.

KC

This is what it means to be a tree

How beautiful are the trees... in the summer as they are full and and green and lush, in the fall as they begin to lose their leaves and turn into the most incredible colors, in the winter as they bare the weight of the snow and cold, and in the spring as they come alive as the sun comes and warms them back into life. All this time, they stand strong. If you asked a tree, "Tree, why do you stand so strong and why do you continue to grow as you go through all of these seasons and storms that cause you to bend and carry heavy burdens?" it would answer, "Because I am a tree, and that is what God has called me to do." There is nothing more beautiful that God's creations doing exactly what He has called them to do. What does He call us to do? One thing He asks of us is to be HOLY.

ho·ly (hl)adj. ho·li·er, ho·li·est

1. Belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power; sacred.

2. Regarded with or worthy of worship or veneration; revered: a holy book.

3. Living according to a strict or highly moral religious or spiritual system; saintly: a holy person.

4. Specified or set apart for a religious purpose: a holy place.

5. Solemnly undertaken; sacrosanct: a holy pledge.

6. Regarded as deserving special respect or reverence: The pursuit of peace is our holiest quest.
I

I Peter 1:13-25

Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind, live soberly, and set your hopes completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Like obedient children, do not act in compliance with the desires of your former ignorance but, as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in every aspect of your conduct, for it is written, “Be holy because I (am) holy.” Now if you invoke as Father him who judges impartially according to each ones works, conduct yourselves with reverence during the time of your sojourning, realizing that you were ransomed from your futile conduct, handed on by your ancestors, not with perishable things like silver or gold but with the precious blood of Christ as of a spotless unblemished lamb. He was known before the foundation of the world but revealed in the final time for you, who through him believe in God who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God. Since you have purified yourselves by obedience to the truth for sincere mutual love, love one another intensely from a (pure) heart. You have been born anew, not from perishable but from imperishable seed, through the living and abiding word of God, for: “All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of the field; the grass withers, and the flower wilts; but the word of the Lord remains forever.” This is the word that has been proclaimed to you.

We short change ourselves, others, and our faith when we consider ourselves anything less and live anything different than holy lives. There are times that I stumble... that we all stumble... and allow our human nature to get the best of us because we believe that because we are human... because we are flawed... that it's just not our fault if our human nature causes us to do or allow things that aren't holy. God calls us to be holy. Not just to be holy and SET APART... but to be holy in the way it is defined... to BELONG to Him. To be OF Him and IN Him. It is a continuum. We aren't just being set apart from the things and the way of this world to live a lonely and exclusive life. We are to live this life TOGETHER and IN CHRIST. It is such an INCLUSIVE thing if enough people are willing to live this way.

He is so HOLY
He is so WORTHY
He is so PRECIOUS
He is so GRACIOUS

And He love us... and He is jealous for our attention and affection.


HOW HE LOVES
john mark mcmillan

Verse 1:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way… He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We aren't just sitting here on earth waiting to go home. We are to BRING HEAVEN HERE! We can experience His love, grace, mercy, power right HERE. He meets us where we are. HE WANTS to let you experience His love. And when you experience it... it IS heaven. Here... right here in the midst of this mess... he meets with me... and loves me... and lets me feel the weight of His wing and mercy. I don't have time to maintain regrets when I think about how he loves us.

Incredible.

Incredible.

Indescribable.

Unfathomable.

Love. Let Him love you.

Expect more from yourself... He will bless you. YOU ARE NOT A SLAVE TO YOUR SIN ANY LONGER! He has set you free.

YOU ARE FREE INDEED!

Please. Believe this and live like it is true... and let Him love you. You will learn more in a quiet moment, soaked in the grace and forgiveness and love of the living God, than in all the studying in the world. You will learn how to love and forgive and bless and encourage in ways that will blow your mind.

He is so GOOD!

Be Here Now.

KC

This is a confession

I don't like waiting...
I feel like a fool, waiting for reciprocation and affirmation
I need attention, I need affection,
I wish this were not true.

I really really really wish I didn't need people, because to be completely honest... they can be very VERY disappointing, not excluding myself.

So I confess... I need affection, attention, love, and reciprocation of love... and I hate it.

I feel cold, and alone, and foolish.

This too will pass... it just takes time. I want so much to be genuine, kind, loving, and vulnerable. But, I fear that those things, those things that I give without thinking and need so deeply, will not be provided. I wish that all of those things could be fulfilled by Christ. But, I believe that man was not meant to be alone. Thank goodness for my friends. I wonder what this discontent is about... I just feel restless... maybe God is doing something... taking me into the desert again to speak to me. We shall see...

This is all His...

Brown Feather Sparrow
Puppet Player

Hard words can not break
Can not be
Can not shatter
I am wise enough to discern
I’ve lost my sight, still I see
Throw myself unto my knees
I will fall, Oh God be here

Hard words be my lamp
Be my light
Be my prophet
Be God’s precious teaching to me

In spite of tears floating free
In spite of screaming fear in me
I will fall
You better be right

Thin air, there is no life
(what you say is what I breathe)
Father, father do you hear me?
Am I still your daughter?

What you say is what I breathe
I can’t praise your name here

Still I recognize my shepherd’s voice
Peace is in his footsteps
I cry
Still my son is in your hands
You must give away now
I cry

The Lord took hold of my heart today in a way I have not felt... maybe ever. Every part of me... every ounce of love I have... is His to give and take as He may please.

A girl on our campus lost her brother recently. My heart and mind cannot grasp the depth of sorrow she must be experiencing in the most basic parts of her being. Parts of her soul that she didn't even know were there are aching. There is probably anger and doubt, relentless nausea and headaches, sorrow... deep deep sorrow... does things to your body, soul, spirit, will, heart, and general person that you didn't know you were even capable of handling. She probably feels as though she will break into a million pieces at any moment. Pray for her strength... for wisdom and understanding... not to know why everything happened... but to know what to do with herself in the wake of this tragic loss.

Lord, be faithful. You are. You have proven. I implore You to be faithful in her life.

Amen.

This is the end...

I had the best birthday ever...

The family I part time nanny with got me a birthday cake and a big birthday balloon and a big chocolate kiss. :) They sang me happy birthday and were so wonderful!

Then, on my way back my roommate Rachel told me to meet her at McDonald's. We went and I was just beat from a long day. I told her it was just a lovely day and I thought I had a great birthday. Little did I know when I got back to the room there was a SURPRISE PARTY waiting for me! :)

I have never felt so darn special! Thanks everyone for making my birthday so amazing this year!

Now it is time to sleep.

Goodnight :)

21 year old Koreyanna

This is hitting me somewhere deep in my chest...

21 years ago, today, my mom was anticipating her first child. She had worried that she wouldn't be able to have children because of complications in her teens, but there she was, little 5 foot 4 inch momma. I can imagine my dad just as excited as anyone could be and my mom trying to get him to chill out. She went into labor the next morning, but she figured it would be a while until she was ready to go to the hospital, so she went to class (she and my dad were both in medical school at the time) and was taking notes when she saw my dad bouncing around, waving his arms like a crazy person outside the window. He had gone to class but he couldn't sit there any longer. He wanted to get to the hospital.

21 years ago I was born. Not out of some kind of accident or mishap. Not for nothing. I was created in my mothers womb by the God of all creation for a purpose. I think that's pretty exciting. My parents had 3 other kids after me.

I got all there attention for 4 years, but then came Mary Elizabeth.

She is beautiful. Sometimes I just can't believe that I was blessed with such a lovely little sister.

Two years after Mary came Timothy Daniel.


Timmy is strong and loving. When I tell him about rough things I'm going through he always listens and hugs me, no matter how many of his friends are around. If I need a hug, he could care less what any of them think... :)

And lastly, 3 years later, there was Emily...



Emily is crazy... but she has one of the most giving and loving hearts of anyone I know.

I love my family more than I can say. I'm not gonna lie... we fight... but we love with just as much strength.

21 years... crazy...

This is soaking me...

Some days the rain falls harder than others...



There a lots of things, mostly things I won't write on a blog :), that are on my mind and heart lately. I just need to continually remember to seek the Lord for strength and wisdom and not try to do things on my own. I am SO weak. Every night that I babysit, when I put Ruth to bed, we sing "Jesus Loves Me". Old school, right?

Wrong.

It's just so simple and beautiful. I had forgotten how precious that song was. Think about it...

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

[Chorus]
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

Jesus loves me
He who died
Heaven's gate to open wide
He will wash away my sin
Let His little child come in

[Chorus]

Jesus loves me
He will stay
Close beside me all the way
He's prepared a home for me
And some day His face I'll see

[Chorus]

I don't care where you are in your walk or how deep or wise you are. That right there is encouraging. I've realized lately that we spend too much time waiting for the happy ending and too little time enjoying the substance of the story. Life is so beautiful. Short. and Precious.

Be Here Now.

Korey Anna

This is a plea...

Please...

Don't be a fool for him,
Love people despite your differences,
Be patient with one another,
Respect one another,
Stop making cruel jokes for a fleeting laugh and a lasting pain,
Stop justifying your behavior,
Stop justifying his behavior,
Stop justifying her behavior,
Love truth,
Hold onto memories,
Look toward the future,
Live for today,
Be here now,
Don't expect what you haven't worked for,
Have faith,
Don't lose hope,
Think upon lovely, true, and holy things,
Listen,
Appreciate the beauty,
Take the wisdom and leave the pain,
Trust Him,
Give up control,
Love one another,
Listen to the wisdom of others,
Forgive,
Find the beauty in the mess,
Notice life,
Notice the blue of the sky,
Notice the snow sparkling,
Notice the birds singing,
Notice Him.

This is Serotonin

Umm... this is actually a t-shirt. I want it soooooooooooooo bad! :)

This is a Break(ing point)

"Stop waiting for the storm to pass and learn to DANCE IN THE RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I might not be alive in the morning.

Okay. So a bit of exaggeration.

Yet another late night, yet another early morning tomorrow. I am gonna be honest, I don't know if I can do this.

I am taking a break from my studies (don't I sound so intelligent) so that I can wake up a bit. This is a look into a typical day lately... are you ready for this?

6:30 Start homework (reading, writing, whatever I needed to get done)
8:30 Get ready quick
8:45 Oh crap I need to print something off before class
9:10 Late for class... but wait... so is my prof! ("Oh Happy Day" the "Sister Act II" version plays as my soundtrack at this moment)
10:00 Off the Chapel
10:10 Fight of cynical thoughts and try to focus on praising God through prayer.
10:20 Dr. Bate's is saying good stuff, but I'm fighting to stay awake
11:00 Run to library to make a graph and print off an advertisement before my 11:10 class.
11:15 Walk in late... both classes today... really? Oh well, prof is very cool about it and barely notices.
12:30 Run to lunch room to check mail. Nothin. Dang it.
12:45 Library: Homework
1:30 Meeting with Ron Kopicko (amazing)
2:00 Library: Finish application for Gull Lake, Write testimony, Try to find decent picture to send in with application...
2:30 Financial Aid Office: "No, you don't have any surplus on your loans, you break even"
2:31 Call car fixer guys to tell them not to fixer my car... will pick it up tomorrow. Thanks anyway, but I am broke.
3:00 Meeting with Advisor to go over schedule
3:45 Run to Chris's car that I am borrowing and drive to work.
4:00-8:00 Work
8:15 Buy folders and amazing Cinnamon Toast Crunch
8:30 Organize papers into two binders and begin looking at academic plan to make sure everything is in order.
9:30 Meeting with group for Social Psych...
10:30 Back to room: Edit a photo
11:00 Homework
2:00 Blogging

To be continued.....

But you see... it's not that I'm slacking off so much as... there aren't enough hours in the day. Totally not my mistake that God didn't give us more daylight :)

Anyhoo :) It was a good day in the context of all of those things. I had some great conversations and got lots done.

I think I just need to do more homework on the weekends.

OH... and Valentines Day is tomorrow...
How bout we don't get all cynical "Singles Awareness" or all exclusive.... eh?

How bout we celebrate the love we have for one another as brothers and sisters in Christ!

It's a made up holiday anyway... why don't you choose to make it something good... negative, cynical, always wanting something to complain about, middle class, college students!

:)

K- much love on V-day :)

Korey Ann Canfield

This is a tough day ending well

Today was icky.

I went to bed at 1:30 last night and woke up at 4:30.
Tonight I am going to bed at 2:00 and waking up at 6:00. (This is a one hour improvement... baby steps)

Today I didn't eat very much.
Tomorrow I will eat every meal and make it a priority.

Today I let the little things get to me.
Tomorrow I will be more patient.

Today I was blunt and honest with a friend about a decision.
Tomorrow I will support them in whatever it is they decide.

Today I spent some quality time.
Tomorrow I hope to do it again.

Today was a tough day.
Tomorrow may be tough too.

Today has taught me more about how to handle
Tomorrow's trials and stumbling blocks.

:) Mmmm *happy sigh*

This is Joe

Can't Get It Right Today

by Joe Purdy

I just can't seem to get it right today (today)
I just can't seem to get it right today (today)
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

It's nearly been a year since he's been gone
we still sing his goodbye songs
and she knows she should move on
but she just can't let him go
no, she just can't let him go

I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry
You should know I never meant to hide
I just hate bringin you down
oh, I just hate bringin you down

I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up

And I dropped my paintbrush in the dirt
I'm still numb by just how much I hurt
I cut my hand, wait for it to work
but I just couldn't bring him back
no, I just couldn't bring him back

I just can't seem to get it right today
Oh, I just can't seem to get it right today
I just can't seem to get it right today
I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
oh, I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh lord I said I guess I'm gonna give up
Oh lord I said I guess I'm gonna give up


I feel like this today... doesn't mean I should give up... but it does mean it's time to go to bed and enjoy the fact that the sun will rise on a new day tomorrow :)

This is Beautiful

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

I just ran into Dr. Patton in the auditorium. I was there checking out the rehearsal for the upcoming musical "The Paradise Hotel". It's going to be great... but anyway... I got to talking with Dr. Patton and he mentioned that he was glad that I came back to the school. I was thinking seriously about transferring last semester. In response to his statement I heard myself say, "Yeah, I thought a change in geography would be able to change was was going on inside. A lot has moved... and I haven't had to." I realized in that moment how much really has changed in my heart and mind without having to run from this place or these people. So much has been and is being restored in my life. The scars remain, reminding me that in Christ I am strong and have overcome, and the sorrow returns to remind me of love lost and time stolen, but also to remind me to love deeply and spend time wisely. Then we started talking about Kyle.

Patton brought up this scripture...


11 I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

12 Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come:
As fish are caught in a cruel net,
or birds are taken in a snare,
so men are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them.

Basically... life is not fair.

Life happens. To us all. Wicked men live long in their wickedness and righteous men die young. But, there is a day coming when all this world will be restored. Amen?

Kyle lived his life as a servent... he loved his neighbor as himself and love God with all his heart, soul, and mind. He led a rich and meaningful life and helped the Lord influenced and changed me in his life almost as deep as God has through his death.

The women I babysit for is now a widow with two special needs children, a 10 year old, and a lot of things to pay for. Her husband committed suicide last year. I don't know much about the story... but her eyes tell me that her battle is not yet finished.

We do not know when our hour will come. To experience death... or to experience great sorrow.

The rain falls on the just and the unjust.

Our one oversweeping promise is that the God of Heaven and Earth loves us and will hold us through it all. None of us did anything to deserve the loss of Kyle and Kyle most certainly didn't deserve to die. And, Laurie (mom that I 'sit' for) did nothing to deserve abandoment and sorrow. But Christ, our Saviour, holds her. Her quiet strength and deep faith speak to me so much.

And God held me through the entirtly of the sorrow of the loss of Kyle and still holds me today while restoring joy and meaning to my life. How beautiful is this promise? In a world that deals out fortune and sorrow equally among the wicked and righteous, we have the promise of Christ.

Let that be enough.

This is My Job

So these are the kids that I babysit for! :)

Ruth is hilarious... she just has this crazy imagination and can talk a mile a minute. I can't understand her most of the time. She told me a whole story while she was taking a bath and all I could get out of it was that some guy went to jail because he couldn't find his toothpaste. It was probably a great story too.... dangit. :)




Rudy is hyper... most of the time. My favorite time with Rudy is when I put him to bed at night. He just stares at me while I rub his arm and sing to him. It is the ONLY time he is still. He says "See you morrow?" and I say "Yes, Rudy, see you tomorrow". It is the best thing in the world.

Russell is 10. He is so helpful. I don't spend a ton of time with him... but he just wants to help in whatever way he can. He is really REALLY smart.

Rudy and Ruth are twins, 7 years old, and autistic. Rudy more than Ruth. It can be a challenge working with them sometimes... but it is matched or even surpassed by the amount of joy and laughter they bring. They have such beautiful little hearts!

I am just falling in love with these kids. This job just came out of nowhere. I needed one... but I needed decent pay and I didn't want to do something I hate all semester. This has been such an amazing blessing on me. I told Laurie (their mom) how much of a blessing it has been the other day. She replied by saying that I was a blessing to them too and that is how God works sometimes. Her husband, Rudy, Ruth and Russell's father, committed suicide last year. She is one of the strongest, yet meek and humble, women I have ever known. I am learning so much from her as well as from her sweet kids.

This semester is going great so far!

Korey Anna

This is Amazing

Prayers Answered

Job:
Now have two
BABYSITTING FOR WONDERFUL KIDS (10 hours a week)
WORKING FOR 10$ AN HOUR MAKING PHONE CALLS (whenever I have time)

Relationships:
Lots of Relationships being Restored
EX-BOYFRIENDS (NOTICE THE PLURAL) ARE FINDING HAPPINESS WITH NEW GIRLS
RACHEL IS BACK AT SPRING ARBOR
SOME OTHER RELATIONSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN ON THE ROCKS ARE HEALING

Independent and Joyful
FINDING JOY IN BEING SINGLE WHILE STILL HAVING HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
FINDING MYSELF ABLE TO LET GO OF THE PAST

School:
Challenges
HUGE COURSE LOAD
UPPER LEVEL CLASSES
BRING IT ON
DEEP PASSION FOR MY FUTURE IN PSYCHOLOGY

Heart:
Truth
LEARNING ABOUT MY IMPULSIVENESS
REALIZING FAULTS

Victories
WORKING OUT DILIGENTLY EVERYDAY
CHANGING BAD HABITS SUCCESSFULLY
DISCERNING LIES FROM TRUTH

Prayers Still in My Heart

ENERGY
DILIGENCE
TRUTH
PASSION
STRENGTH
DETERMINATION
SPRING- IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE
CONTINUED AFFIRMATION FROM GOD
CONTINUED DIRECTION
GOOD GRADES
ABILITY TO FIND BALANCE WITH JOBS
SITUATION WITH DR. LIVESAY (LONG STORY)

All in all life is surprising me with so many small victories. I think a lot of it has to do with the way I am seeing things these days. I choose to see beauty in the mess... without being ignorant to the suffering and heavy laden. I want to be the sunshine for others that has been missing in my life for so long. God has once again proved Himself faithful and my heart rejoices in this new season. :)

Korey Anna

This is what I think

Stolen from by best friend's LiveJournal.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Korey+Anna
http://kevan.org/johari?view=Korey+Anna

This is Charlie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM
(copy and paste to web browser)

I love kids. I will post about my new babysitting job soon when I get some pictures of the them :). I really am crazy about them though! They just bring sunshine in to my life.

:)

That's all.

This is Flower Power

Sometimes in the winter time it gets really dreary... so I buy daisies from the store down the road. You can get a whole bunch for $6.00. :) Makes me happy. I love flowers. It's such a contrast against the colorless, cold, lifeless winter. It's beautiful outside, don't get me wrong, but I love the spring and I am really looking forward to it!!!

In other news, I am in class right now. My class is America in the 1960's. It's a lot of fun and not difficult or time consuming at all. Plus, I bring my computer and get some things done while listening. It works really well. We are talking about the Vietnam war. It can be a really sad thing to talk about. The sixties weren't as lovely and exciting as people like to think. The Civil Rights movement and Anti-war Movements were serious and dangerous and passionate. Also, so many people were assassinated during this time. It was a crazy and scary time. A lot of great things happened and were brought to light and changed... but a lot of damage was done also.

Anyway, life is wonderful these days. There is a Format song that has a great chorus that I like to listen to lately.... it says...

What's left to lose?
You've done enough
and if you fail well then you fail
but you gave it a shot
And these last three years
I konw they've been hard,
but now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun.
Even if it's alone.

:) That is how I feel. I feel strong and independent. Joyful and full of hope.

That's all folks