This is Beautiful

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

I just ran into Dr. Patton in the auditorium. I was there checking out the rehearsal for the upcoming musical "The Paradise Hotel". It's going to be great... but anyway... I got to talking with Dr. Patton and he mentioned that he was glad that I came back to the school. I was thinking seriously about transferring last semester. In response to his statement I heard myself say, "Yeah, I thought a change in geography would be able to change was was going on inside. A lot has moved... and I haven't had to." I realized in that moment how much really has changed in my heart and mind without having to run from this place or these people. So much has been and is being restored in my life. The scars remain, reminding me that in Christ I am strong and have overcome, and the sorrow returns to remind me of love lost and time stolen, but also to remind me to love deeply and spend time wisely. Then we started talking about Kyle.

Patton brought up this scripture...


11 I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

12 Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come:
As fish are caught in a cruel net,
or birds are taken in a snare,
so men are trapped by evil times
that fall unexpectedly upon them.

Basically... life is not fair.

Life happens. To us all. Wicked men live long in their wickedness and righteous men die young. But, there is a day coming when all this world will be restored. Amen?

Kyle lived his life as a servent... he loved his neighbor as himself and love God with all his heart, soul, and mind. He led a rich and meaningful life and helped the Lord influenced and changed me in his life almost as deep as God has through his death.

The women I babysit for is now a widow with two special needs children, a 10 year old, and a lot of things to pay for. Her husband committed suicide last year. I don't know much about the story... but her eyes tell me that her battle is not yet finished.

We do not know when our hour will come. To experience death... or to experience great sorrow.

The rain falls on the just and the unjust.

Our one oversweeping promise is that the God of Heaven and Earth loves us and will hold us through it all. None of us did anything to deserve the loss of Kyle and Kyle most certainly didn't deserve to die. And, Laurie (mom that I 'sit' for) did nothing to deserve abandoment and sorrow. But Christ, our Saviour, holds her. Her quiet strength and deep faith speak to me so much.

And God held me through the entirtly of the sorrow of the loss of Kyle and still holds me today while restoring joy and meaning to my life. How beautiful is this promise? In a world that deals out fortune and sorrow equally among the wicked and righteous, we have the promise of Christ.

Let that be enough.

This is My Job

So these are the kids that I babysit for! :)

Ruth is hilarious... she just has this crazy imagination and can talk a mile a minute. I can't understand her most of the time. She told me a whole story while she was taking a bath and all I could get out of it was that some guy went to jail because he couldn't find his toothpaste. It was probably a great story too.... dangit. :)




Rudy is hyper... most of the time. My favorite time with Rudy is when I put him to bed at night. He just stares at me while I rub his arm and sing to him. It is the ONLY time he is still. He says "See you morrow?" and I say "Yes, Rudy, see you tomorrow". It is the best thing in the world.

Russell is 10. He is so helpful. I don't spend a ton of time with him... but he just wants to help in whatever way he can. He is really REALLY smart.

Rudy and Ruth are twins, 7 years old, and autistic. Rudy more than Ruth. It can be a challenge working with them sometimes... but it is matched or even surpassed by the amount of joy and laughter they bring. They have such beautiful little hearts!

I am just falling in love with these kids. This job just came out of nowhere. I needed one... but I needed decent pay and I didn't want to do something I hate all semester. This has been such an amazing blessing on me. I told Laurie (their mom) how much of a blessing it has been the other day. She replied by saying that I was a blessing to them too and that is how God works sometimes. Her husband, Rudy, Ruth and Russell's father, committed suicide last year. She is one of the strongest, yet meek and humble, women I have ever known. I am learning so much from her as well as from her sweet kids.

This semester is going great so far!

Korey Anna

This is Amazing

Prayers Answered

Job:
Now have two
BABYSITTING FOR WONDERFUL KIDS (10 hours a week)
WORKING FOR 10$ AN HOUR MAKING PHONE CALLS (whenever I have time)

Relationships:
Lots of Relationships being Restored
EX-BOYFRIENDS (NOTICE THE PLURAL) ARE FINDING HAPPINESS WITH NEW GIRLS
RACHEL IS BACK AT SPRING ARBOR
SOME OTHER RELATIONSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN ON THE ROCKS ARE HEALING

Independent and Joyful
FINDING JOY IN BEING SINGLE WHILE STILL HAVING HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
FINDING MYSELF ABLE TO LET GO OF THE PAST

School:
Challenges
HUGE COURSE LOAD
UPPER LEVEL CLASSES
BRING IT ON
DEEP PASSION FOR MY FUTURE IN PSYCHOLOGY

Heart:
Truth
LEARNING ABOUT MY IMPULSIVENESS
REALIZING FAULTS

Victories
WORKING OUT DILIGENTLY EVERYDAY
CHANGING BAD HABITS SUCCESSFULLY
DISCERNING LIES FROM TRUTH

Prayers Still in My Heart

ENERGY
DILIGENCE
TRUTH
PASSION
STRENGTH
DETERMINATION
SPRING- IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE
CONTINUED AFFIRMATION FROM GOD
CONTINUED DIRECTION
GOOD GRADES
ABILITY TO FIND BALANCE WITH JOBS
SITUATION WITH DR. LIVESAY (LONG STORY)

All in all life is surprising me with so many small victories. I think a lot of it has to do with the way I am seeing things these days. I choose to see beauty in the mess... without being ignorant to the suffering and heavy laden. I want to be the sunshine for others that has been missing in my life for so long. God has once again proved Himself faithful and my heart rejoices in this new season. :)

Korey Anna

This is what I think

Stolen from by best friend's LiveJournal.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Korey+Anna
http://kevan.org/johari?view=Korey+Anna

This is Charlie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM
(copy and paste to web browser)

I love kids. I will post about my new babysitting job soon when I get some pictures of the them :). I really am crazy about them though! They just bring sunshine in to my life.

:)

That's all.

This is Flower Power

Sometimes in the winter time it gets really dreary... so I buy daisies from the store down the road. You can get a whole bunch for $6.00. :) Makes me happy. I love flowers. It's such a contrast against the colorless, cold, lifeless winter. It's beautiful outside, don't get me wrong, but I love the spring and I am really looking forward to it!!!

In other news, I am in class right now. My class is America in the 1960's. It's a lot of fun and not difficult or time consuming at all. Plus, I bring my computer and get some things done while listening. It works really well. We are talking about the Vietnam war. It can be a really sad thing to talk about. The sixties weren't as lovely and exciting as people like to think. The Civil Rights movement and Anti-war Movements were serious and dangerous and passionate. Also, so many people were assassinated during this time. It was a crazy and scary time. A lot of great things happened and were brought to light and changed... but a lot of damage was done also.

Anyway, life is wonderful these days. There is a Format song that has a great chorus that I like to listen to lately.... it says...

What's left to lose?
You've done enough
and if you fail well then you fail
but you gave it a shot
And these last three years
I konw they've been hard,
but now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun.
Even if it's alone.

:) That is how I feel. I feel strong and independent. Joyful and full of hope.

That's all folks