This is a confession

I don't like waiting...
I feel like a fool, waiting for reciprocation and affirmation
I need attention, I need affection,
I wish this were not true.

I really really really wish I didn't need people, because to be completely honest... they can be very VERY disappointing, not excluding myself.

So I confess... I need affection, attention, love, and reciprocation of love... and I hate it.

I feel cold, and alone, and foolish.

This too will pass... it just takes time. I want so much to be genuine, kind, loving, and vulnerable. But, I fear that those things, those things that I give without thinking and need so deeply, will not be provided. I wish that all of those things could be fulfilled by Christ. But, I believe that man was not meant to be alone. Thank goodness for my friends. I wonder what this discontent is about... I just feel restless... maybe God is doing something... taking me into the desert again to speak to me. We shall see...